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Sunday, March 11, 2007

"Chainsaw Sally" review

Chainsaw Sally (2004)

Directed by Jimmyo Burril
Writing credits Jimmyo Burril

April Monique Burril... Sally Diamon
Mark Redfield... Steve Kellerman
Alec Joseph... Ruby Diamon
Kristen Hudson... Cynthia Prescott
Jennifer Rouse... Ice Cream Girl
Lesley Vernot... Tina Gray
Gunnar Hansen... Daddy
Herschell Gordon Lewis... Mr. Gordon
Suzi Lorraine... Miss Busybee

“Chainsaw Sally” is about a girl and her chainsaw. Sally has had a tough life. Her parents were killed by a roving gang of madmen. This incident scars young Sally for life and blossoms her into the bloodlust crazed Chainsaw Sally. She takes on a shy librarian persona for cover. No one will suspect! Chainsaw Sally likes to rip and tear into anyone who is rude and obnoxious. Talkative library patrons, snotty ice cream girls and foul mouthed guys in bars all get to taste Sally’s blade. A rich guy rolls into town to try to sell his property which houses Sally and her equally twisted brother. Will Sally allow someone to sell her psychotic homestead? Not bloody likely.

“Chainsaw Sally” is an amusing flick. Sally wants to have some of the fun that all of the movie madmen have been hogging. She is a student of horror films and wants to get her chainsaw on. Sally has that hot Goth girl look that some guys like. All of the guys who fall for it end up meeting their grisly demise. There’s plenty of blood splatter as Sally takes out anyone who crosses her path. And anyone who annoys her. And anyone she feels like taking out. And so on and so on.

But I have one strike against “Chainsaw Sally”. You can probably guess what it is. Why didn’t Chainsaw Sally get topless? This was the scene I was waiting for but it never happened. There was a great scene where she seduces the ice cream girl back to the Sally pad. They start kissing and life is good. Then Sally’s bloodlust supercedes her real lust and she proceeds to make mince meat out of poor ice cream girl. Would-be horror icons need to get topless. To be a scream queen, the viewer must scream in delight. Wouldn’t it have been great to see Sally drenched in blood while she runs naked through the house with her chainsaw blazing after some unsuspecting dolt? Or am I the only one who thinks like this?

Anyway, “Chainsaw Sally” was OK. If you want to see a freaky Goth girl kill a bunch of imbeciles, (and not get topless while doing it), it’s worth a look. I just hope in the sequel they make up for their Sally mistake and have the psychotic babe get naked while going about her business. Fewer clothes will make her a more efficient killer. Trust me on this. I know these kinds of things. Don’t ask me how.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 psycho Sallys

3 comments:

Ronald_McMurder said...

hahaha, no you're not the only one. i would have been EXPECTING naked bloody tits chainsaw action, and consequently felt very ripped off.

Dr. Gore (drgore@hotmail.com) said...

Sally was too modest. She's not shy about letting her homicidal rage out. So why not share the rest of her as well?

James said...

naked or not.... sally kicks @$$!!! the tv series is playing all this month on Comcast Troma Channel!